Monday 23 February 2015

Tips for surviving Elections

Elections are upon us once again and Warwick goes into a craze of posters, facebook-cover-photo-changing and canvassing. Here are a few tips to survive it all:

1. Invest in a good pair of headphones to wear around campus at all times. The more obvious the better. Music optional but recommended. Suggestions:

Emeli Sande: 'Read All About it [in the Boar]'
The Bee Gees classic: 'Stayin' Alive [during the elections]'
Tracy Chapman: 'Baby Can I Vote For You',
Daniel Bedingfield: 'If You're Not the One [I should vote for]'
Beyonce: '[The old Sab Team is] Irreplaceable'
Michael Jackson: 'Leave me Alone'

2. Work on your best look of complete disengagement with everything going on around you to pull whenever walking around people with flyers/leaflets/paper of any kind/clipboards/that 'will you vote for x' look. Accidentally walking into a wall may complete this look.

3. Learn to avoid eye contact with everyone at all costs.

4. Avoid the library, piazza and any stretch of pavement on campus. Stick to the middle of the roads where possible. You have a choice. Navigate oncoming traffic or campaigners.

5. Print out a number of flyers saying: "I have already voted!" to hand out should steps 1-4 fail and you still get approached.

6. Watch old Aaron Bowater election videos on Youtube. Wonder where it all went wrong.

7. Alternatively avoid campus at all costs. Traffic is a nightmare anyway and the buses never run to time.